he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
