awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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