Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
