I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
