That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
