Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

(720): View more from Colorado

ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

(917): View more from New York City

no it doesn't.

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(281): View more from Texas

Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.

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(903): View more from Texas

There's a naked man in my car right now.

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(618): View more from Illinois

i just want things to go smoothly

(1-618): View more from Illinois

oh they won't lmao

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(586): View more from Michigan

Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?

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