oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
