apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
