At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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