I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
