I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
