Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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