I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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