This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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