i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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