I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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