Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
