fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
