I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
40s are totally the cure
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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