I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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