Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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