We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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