The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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