I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
