i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
