I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
