I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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