Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
