I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
