the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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