do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Naked Twister starts at high noon
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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