The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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