can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need to calm my uterus...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
