i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
