Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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