I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
