So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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