apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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