I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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