ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
