Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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