The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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