Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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