i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
