before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
