Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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