Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
