I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
