u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
