Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
