I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
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I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
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That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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