Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
