Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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