I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
