it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize