saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
