I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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