I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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