he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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