is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How drunk are you?
Completed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
