Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
