i was born a porn star she said
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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