I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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