Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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