We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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