i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
