His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
