Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have demons in me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."