just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
