He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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