two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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