then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
