I need help removing her.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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