I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
