Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
