Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
